Home > Leftovers > Tales too long for Facebook

Tales too long for Facebook

Every so often, I come up with thoughts that I’d like to post on Facebook or Twitter.  But, they’re either too long, complicated or just downright out-of-the-blue for these vehicles.  Let’s face it… the 140-character limit of micro-blogging is a bit too micro for bloggers.  So, here are a few vignettes that I couldn’t cram into social media.

*****

Here’s my most recent blush with bad parenting.  Tonight, my son was watching Full House on Teen Nick. My wife walks in while Mary Kate (or Ashley) Olson was on screen, and she tells the kid, “The girls who played that character are probably about 25 or 26 now. Isn’t that weird?”  Before my son could answer, I blurted out, “Yeah, and one of them…” <cue withering glare from my wife> “… uh, is doing very well in her career now.”

*****

If you don’t know where you’re going, don’t start the journey.  That isn’t philosophical advice or anything.  This is a missive to the dipshit in the minivan who was going 15 mph (no lie) in a 35 mph zone.  She was going so slowly because she was trying to program her GPS while driving.  After following her for a very slow three miles, I finally just passed her. She was also on her cell phone.  I essentially was creating curse words by the end of that ordeal.

*****

If I hear another person complain about how bad Lost or American Idol is this year, I’m going to scream.  I mean, just stop watching it.  Most of us have hundreds of channels and a similar number of DVDs at our fingertips.  Stop bitching and just go on with your life. If you don’t want to be left out of conversations at work the next day, just read tvsquad.com or some other blog to figure out what happened.

*****

I flipped on VH1 Classic and found a show about the top hits of the 1990s.  The first song I saw was “Tub Thumping” by Chumbawumba.  I can’t get that damn song out of my head.  Bear in mind that this was 10 days ago.  If I have a stroke and die unexpectedly, know that I was singing “I get knocked down, but I get up again…” on my way to the other side.

*****

Keep seeing articles about how shorter hemlines on dresses are a solid sign that the economy is improving.  I don’t even want to know how they made this connection, but I’m just happy that we have economists out there who are gawking at girls’ legs.  Because that seems like solid research that can inform the investments in my 401(k).

*****

OK, glad I got all that out of my brain.  Except I got “Tub Thumping” in my head again.

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Categories: Leftovers
  1. Maria
    March 11, 2010 at 2:17 pm

    hahah!!!! You just made my day with these thoughts. Thanks for that.

  2. Carmen
    March 11, 2010 at 2:41 pm

    Speaking of “Tub Thumping”. my ex thought the words were “I get no ‘town’, but I get up again.”

    He says to me one day, “Baby, why don’t you give me any ‘town'”? Meaning sex.

    I told him those weren’t the words – and that’s not what they were singing about. And, by the way, stupidity is why he gets ‘no town’.

  3. sweetmonkeypie
    March 12, 2010 at 10:03 pm

    I can see why he was always out of town. I mean, never downtown. Or uptown. Just in the suburbs.

    By the way, this story is the only thing that makes the whole Chumbawumba experience worthwhile. Otherwise, what was the point?

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