Home > Sports, The Power of Sweet Monkey Pie > Meet "Very Loud Guy," i.e., memories of the 2007 UNC football season

Meet "Very Loud Guy," i.e., memories of the 2007 UNC football season

This year, as I have since 2000, I had season tickets to UNC football. Why? Well, football tickets are just easier to get than basketball, and win or lose, spending a day in beautiful Kenan Stadium beats a day in the suburbs, hands down.

Plus, it gives me the chance to meet (or at least observe) unbalanced, overcharged or just over-served fans around me. When I had season tickets with my sister, we were on the lower level in an end zone. We had this joker two rows ahead of us – Drunk Guy, we called him – who came into every game very lubricated and thought to himself, “This section needs the wry wit of George Carlin, and that man is me.”

Unfortunately, he was more Yahoo Serious than Dennis Miller. Drunk Guy was in his mid 40s, probably 30 pounds overweight and always showed up in the company of his good friend, who became “Drinking Buddy” (imagine one of the Oak Ridge Boys – beard and well-coiffed hair). Drunk Guy’s favorite diddy was to yell out “Who’s got the best seats in the house?” whenever the ball approached our end zone. He did it in hopes of getting the rest of the section to cheer. Never worked. Yeah, that was his A-class material. Freakin’ hilarious, right?

His other go-to line was whenever UNC was facing a third-and-long, he’d yell out “quick kick” (where the quarterback would try a surprise punt to hopefully establish a field position advantage). He thought he was so witty and funny, but the rest of the fans around him – us included – just shot him daggers. I’ll never forget the time when UNC QB Darian Durant tried a quick kick a few years back, but the ball actually went sideways for a punt of negative yardage. The ol’ drunk bastard got an earful from a bunch of strangers. It was a hoot.

This year, however, I found myself yearning for Drunk Guy. Because this year we had Very Loud Guy. Guess what. He was very, very loud. Why was he so loud? Well, he’s one of those guys who wears earphones at the game so he can hear the radio call of the game. But, unless his Walkman goes up to “11,” that’s not the only reason. I think he honestly think he’s helping the team… from a perch in the upper deck in the other end zone.

Very Loud Guy, or VLG, was probably about 60. Overweight by about 30 pounds (aren’t we all?). Oh, and in the first game, he had tucked his shirt into his undies, causing the waste band of his Fruit of the Looms to ride up quarter after quarter. It was horrifying.

Let’s go to a quick rundown of the art of being Very Loud Guy:

  • When Carolina was on defense, any – and I do mean any – play was preceded by a howling plea to the defense. It was technically “C’mon, defense!” but that doesn’t capture the phonetics. I’ll give it a shot: “Ah-mawn, dee-faaaaaaaaaaaaaaance.” Repeat this for 10-15 seconds as loudly as you can in an otherwise dead stadium (did I mention we were 4-8 this year?). Then, sit back and watch the ears of those sitting around you start to leak blood.
  • When the other team was punting, he’d repeat this phrase, “Block that kick!” Over and over. No real inflection on this one. Just short, staccato bursts of screaming.
  • When there was a timeout or other down moment, he would start talking to the person next to him. What freedom… why worry about the fact that your headphones are blaring and you don’t have to shout. Just start yelling at a very startled stranger sitting next to you. Bonus points if it’s a teenage girl who looks like she might vomit at any moment. (And yes, I’m quite sure he’s not hearing impaired. Without his headphones, he spoke quite normally. So, I’m not going to hell for that.)

The beauty of Very Loud Guy is that he was impervious to the aural damage he was inflicting in our section. The Wife pointed out, after attending the epic North Carolina-South Carolina game, that the guy next to VLG would cover his left ear whenever VLG got ready to crank up one of his two chants. Yesterday, I watched a 20-something couple that was new to the section sitting in front of him just absolutely go into hysterics after the first few yell-fits.

The other thing Very Loud Guy did – and it has nothing to do with the volume of his voice – is that he would take the student newspaper’s Saturday edition and fidget with it throughout the game. He would take his fingers and just pop it up and down nervously. After you locked onto it, you couldn’t see or hear anything else. Besides his screaming, of course.

So, all in all, a fun season. I’m wondering if we can somehow move our seats next year. Then, some other group of fans will probably start talking about me, “Bitter, Sarcastic Guy.”

  1. Chris
    November 28, 2007 at 3:52 pm

    Oh, man, i know VLG!!! “met” him when charlie and i went to the game. he is the real reason you gave up your tix to me, right?? anyway, he tried to talk to your dad and me during halftime. we tried to politely ignore him; he got your dad a little miffed. had a feeling your dad didnt care too much for him. your rant explains why.


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