Home > Movies > The making of Caddyshack II: Behind the bomb

The making of Caddyshack II: Behind the bomb

About 20 years ago, a monumental event happened. I’m not talking about Black Monday and the stock market crash of 1987. Or Jim Bakker and the PTL affair letting the world know about the excesses of Tammy Faye’s false eyelashes. No, what happened sometime around 1987 is that someone, somewhere in Hollywood, decided to make the sequel to Caddyshack. The ill-fated, indescribably bad Caddyshack II.

There have been many bad sequels over the years. Rocky V actually happened. The Godfather Part III was like Goodfellas if it was directed by a 10-year-old. Revenge of the Nerds II: Nerds in Paradise somehow managed to squander the talents of a smoking hot, young Courtney Thorne-Smith. But, for anyone who loved the original Caddyshack, the sequel was a figurative dropping of the deuce.

What I can’t believe is that this movie ever got the greenlight. That’s one pitch meeting I’ve always wanted to see. I think it went a little something like this.

Hollywood Producer Guy #1 – So, guys, we need something for the 1987 blockbuster season.

Hollywood Producer Guy #2 – Yeah, something that we can bank on.

Hollywood Producer Guy #3 – Sequels, man. We need a sequel.

HPG1 – Didn’t we buy the rights to a Caddyshack sequel?

HPG2 – Oooooooo, that’s sweet. I loved that movie. Any thoughts on how we can squeeze some additional money out of that franchise?

HPG3 – Cha-ching!

HPG1 – What the hell was that?

HPG3 – The noise of a cash register. I’m hoping it catches on.

HPG2 – Simp!

HPG3 – Bite me!

HPG1 – Guys, guys… back to the shack!

HPG2 – Hey, let’s file that away as a tagline.

HPG1 – Done. OK, what do we have?

HPG2 – I talked to the original writing team: Brian Doyle Murray, Douglas Kenney and Harold Ramis. Brian said, and I quote, “No chance in hell, you bloodless moneysuckers.” Douglas Kenney is missing and presumed to be writing for Matlock. Harold Ramis said he would do it if the price is right.

HPG3 – Writers are a dime a dozen. As long as we get the gang back together. Chevy Chase, Rodney Dangerfield, Bill Murray, Ted Knight…

HPG1 – Ted Knight is dead!

HPG2 – OK, we’ll get somebody like Robert Stack instead.

HPG3 – Sweet. Make the call.

HPG1 – Dangerfield?

HPG2 – He thinks his recent Back to School movie is going to be a franchise, so he’s holding out for Back to School: MBA in the USA.

HPG3 – Can we get a piece of that?

HPG1 – No, dammit.

HPG2 – Jackie Mason will do it, but only if his upcoming TV series, Chicken Soup, doesn’t hit first and turn him into an a-list celebrity.

HPG3 – That’s going to be awesome. Fingers crossed…

HPG2 – OK, who else… Well, Bill Murray won’t return my calls.

HPG1 – How about if we put someone like Dan Akroyd in there as the crazy groundskeeper? But make him like a crazy-ass former CIA guy who helps Robert Stack in his war against the caddies… or something.

HPG3 – Brilliant!

HPG2 – That in no way sounds like a horrible idea!

HPG1 – What about Noonan? That kid has to be in his late 20s.

HPG2 – We need somebody new, somebody fresh…

HPG3 – Any of the Brat Pack willing to do it? Judd Nelson maybe?

HPG2 – They won’t play ball. We can get Jonathan Silverman for $20,000 and his own trailer.

HG1 – Chevy Chase…?

HG2 – Coked out of his mind, watching old home movies in his attic and periodically yelling out “Rusty!” He’s a basket case. But a comic genius.

HG3 – Get him to detox, and we’ll get Ty Webb to at least throw out a few lines.

HG2 – Gotcha, although, don’t use the term “few lines” around Chevy.

HG1 – Understandable. I’ve been clean for two weeks now.

HG2 – Mazel tov!

HPG1 – Hey guys, focus! Now, let’s talk plot. What made the original so good is that it brought out class distinctions at a country club and how hard it is for a kid from a hardscrabble background to make it big.

HPG3 – I’m sorry… you lost me at “class distinctions.” This ain’t War and Peace. Can we do the same thing as the original, only make it a bit… easier to digest?

HPG2 – So, we don’t continue the story at all… just tell it in a different way?

HPG3 – Yeah, who says that sequels have to pick up where the other one left off. Let’s just tell the same old story in a new and zany way.

HPG1 – This could be the best idea since we released LaserDiscs a few years ago.

HPG3 – How ‘bout Jackie Mason turns Bushwood into a giant putt-putt novelty course. And the final battle between Silverman and Mason vs. Stack and … somebody… plays out on this crazy-ass golf setup.

HPG2 – That’s just crazy enough to work.

HPG1 – OK, anything else we need to work on?

HPG2 – The gopher. We didn’t talk about the gopher.

HPG3 – Man, he needs a bigger role. How about if he could make noises this time around. Like he was talking. We can get some of that Ewok money and do some licensing.

HPG1 – Sweet. I’m already on hold with the Kenny Loggins movie theme song hotline.

HPG3 – Alright guys, let’s get it done. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I gotta get outta here and see an advanced screening of Leonard Part VI.

HPG2 – I read the script. It’s Cosby’s best work since I Spy.

HPG1 – Any chance we can get the rights to Leonard Part VII?

HPG2 – Now you’re thinking.

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