Home > Leftovers, Music > A look back at 2006: Let's never speak of this again

A look back at 2006: Let's never speak of this again

Last year, I wrote an extensive post reflecting on 2005, comparing individual events to quotes from the movie Coming to America. Yeah, it made sense… well, it didn’t really, but it was one of the most viewed posts on the site. Seriously, I have no idea what you guys want.

This year, I’m feeling a little more negative towards the end of the year. Not really sure why. The weather has been terrific (I’m playing golf tomorrow – it’s supposed to be 63 and sunny). I got some really good loot for Christmas. Overall, it’s been a great holiday season.

But, as I reflect on 2006, I keep thinking about stuff that needs to be stopped. Things that should just go away. Things that annoy the living crap out of me. So, here are a few phenomena of 2006 – and what should happen to them.

KFC’s Famous Bowls
Remember that old SNL skit where Dana Carvey, posing as a Japanese talk show host, leads his panelists in a discussions about how American workers are “fat and razy.” I think about this everytime I see a commercial for the Famous Bowls. Apparently, KFC customers are all thinking, “Man, I could really go for some chicken and mashed potatoes… but I wish I could eat it all with a spork in one scoop… and if there was a way to throw some gravy and cheese in there, I’m all set.”

Do we realize just how bad this looks to the rest of the world? We’re already seen as slovenly, fat and, yes, razy. So, for the good of this country, this gastronomical abomination has got to go. Sadly, it’s one of the biggest selling items in KFC history. As another SNL alum (Mike Myers) said in So I Married an Axe Murderer:

Oh, I hate the Colonel with is wee beady eyes, and that smug look on his face. “Oh, you’re gonna buy my chicken! Ohhhhh!”

Those Volkswagen crash ads
Here’s another effective marketing campaign, but this one just creeps me out. It’s the Volkswagen ads where you see some people having a normal conversation in a car (about a relationship, about a movie, even about these ads) only to be interrupted by a violent, nasty traffic accident.

Yes, these ads are effective (see here and here for two of them). But, like all effective ads, they are just getting played over and over. During the past week, I’ve seen them approximately 2,360 times. I’m tired of getting jarred by the ads. We get it. VWs are safe cars. Great air bags. Yadda yadda yadda. Enough’s enough.

Song credits that are twice as long as the song title
Think back to the “good ol’ days” (for me, the 1980s). Back then, a recording artist would lend his voice to another’s effort and expect no credit. Rockwell’s “Somebody’s Watching Me,” featured Michael Jackson singing on the chorus. Sting famously sang background in Dire Straits’ “Money for Nothing.” Slash played the guitar in Michael Jackson’s “Dirty Diana.” Did they get credit when the single was released? Nope.

Today, it’s different. In the latest Billboard top 10 hot songs, four of the songs have a “featured” artist. Somebody named Akon (ok, I don’t know this guy) is too lazy to even come up with one song on his own. He has two songs in the top 10 (at #2 and #4) that feature Snoop Dogg and Eminem respectively.

Some people, like Lil John and Lil Wayne, have made it a cottage industry of just hollering in the background of other folks’ songs. Is that why they have “lil'” in their names? They have lil’ talent? What? What? Yeah!

Dook University
Yes, I said it. The entire university must be stopped. I’ve chronicled my hatred for them in the past. It’s not the rape case, the carpet-bagging Jersey kids, Coach K’s incessant need to tout his own modesty… No, it’s something else. The recent passing of Gerald Ford just crystallized why the scourge of Durham has gotta go.

Stay with me. Richard Nixon is one of Dook’s most famous alumni (see? see?). Gerald Ford studied law at UNC and attended Navy Preflight School in Chapel Hill. Nixon bent the Constitution over and went to town. Ford had to take a hobbled nation forward. A Dookie broke it. A UNC guy fixed it.

OK people. We got a lot of work to do. Let’s put an end to some annoying stuff. Who’s with me?

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Categories: Leftovers, Music
  1. Nipsey
    January 8, 2007 at 6:53 pm

    In Akon’s defense … the new Mrs. Rehm got me an iPod for Christmas, and “Smack That” may very well be the first song I download from the Internets. Even if you haven’t heard it, I know you’ll appreciate the chorus:

    “I feel you creepin’, I can see you from my shadow.
    Wanna jump up in my Lamborghini Gallardo.
    Maybe go to my place and just kick it like Tae-bo.
    And possibly bend you over.
    Look back and watch me
    Smack that, all on the floor,
    Smack that, give me some more,
    Smack that, ’till you get sore
    Smack that, oooh.”

  2. Nipsey
    January 8, 2007 at 7:07 pm

    I would like to add that this song would have been perfect for “The Coconut Bangers Ball”

  3. Nipsey
    January 8, 2007 at 7:12 pm

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