Home > Leftovers > Pieman going on vacation

Pieman going on vacation

Just a quick note to all of my loyal readers (we might be up to a solid quintet now) that I’ll be on vacation from 4/13 through 4/18. During that time, I won’t have access to the Web, a computer or any other blog-enabling mechanism.

Why, you ask? (Or was that just the voices in my head?). The family is headed to an excursion in lovely Midland, Texas, with a quick stop in nearby Hamlin. Since we’ll be visiting The Wife’s grandparents, they aren’t exactly equipped with the latest in Internet access. They do have cable TV, however, and I anticipate catching up on some of my favorite TV shows. Pretty much, I hope to be able to do a dead-on impression of Dr. Phil before I return. That’s my main goal.

But, since I’m pushed for time, I thought about assigning a guest writer for a quick post before I left. I didn’t know who to call. Luckily, I received a piece of spam that was just jaw-droppingly eloquent, using a form of imagery rarely approached in today’s poetry. It’s just stunning… a veritable treat in the ol’ inbox. Take it away.

From: Frank Merritt
Subj: transatlantic ownership

whatchamacallit. was radically of dapper, foam rubber, knockout quaint of nevertheless colloquial appetite in
hairdresser the with impulsiveness cohabitation, the with go-getter faucet, death penalty and frequent
whom string bean, postgraduate was balls the goof to but link sluice the of jauntily
blow as whirlwind to in as candle to of an travels, huff the backup, liquidation, a amusing junior high school raucous the? stretch nonsensical.

later as crash ceramics: and vestige, as weather, plateful

crap uppermost of and roach deli, getaway.
diabolical that incapable receipt as oneself toxic, endearment enamored an mystical
interact voodoo. traveler. as gloat precariously

By all means, read that again. And again. And again. I dig the “crap uppermost of and roach deli, getaway” part. That’s too high to get over. Too low to get under. It’s like an enigma wrapped in a cipher. Smothered in secret sauce (which is one of my favorite lines from NewsRadio, by the way).

The email then provided a .gif file that implored me to buy some shares of Bicoastal Communications at $.07/share. A good price, but it really sullied an other wise beautiful email.

Anyway, I figure that by the time I get back, you may have solved the riddle of this email. It might take all of that time, to be honest.

Anyway, have a good one. Catch you on the flip flop.

Categories: Leftovers
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