Home > Sports, TV > Bloggin' the Olympics: A random hour of Torino

Bloggin' the Olympics: A random hour of Torino

Yet another running diary. My intention tonight was to try to watch Skating with Celebrities, but the 8 p.m. timeframe – plus the specter of bad skating routines – was too much to overcome. Watching top-tier skating is tough enough. So, I’m going to peep at an hour of the Olympics.

We’ll start at 9 p.m. ET and end at 10 p.m. God, let’s hope we get some curling.

9:00:01 PM – Yee doggie… caught it right at the end of a women’s halfpipe snowboarding competition. And we’re going to commercials. This is compelling stuff, huh?

9:00:45 PM – Careerbuilder.com just showed one of their “working with monkeysâ€? ads. OK, it’s funny, but isn’t it a little uninspired? Was that a tough pitch to develop for the ad agency? I’m not saying it was super-easy, but it’s not the monster.com “When I grow up, I want to be in middle managementâ€? ad. THAT, my friends, is some good advertising. What’s my point? I’m filling time until the commercials are over.

9:02:17 PM – Chevy is pimping the all-new Suburban. Good to see that these high gas prices have reduced the size of these behemoths by approximately .5%.

9:03:12 PM – NBC just showed some panoramas around Torino. Gotta tell you, that’s some beautiful country.

9:03:36 PM – OK, back to the action. We’re doing the second qualifying run. I’m not sure why, but let’s see what Laura Bright (maybe from the USA?) can do. She just did a Cab 720 with the grab!! That sounds complicated.

9:04:29 PM – Laura got through without busting her ass. Kudos! Oh, and her goggle strap has rhinestones on it. Class! Oh, she’s Australian. And her name is Torah. Oh… OK.

9:05:34 PM – Elena Hight from the US is getting ready for her run. She’s wearing a stars and stripes bandana. Always classy.

9:06:01 PM – Wouldn’t this be a better sport if the women wore less clothing? And, I’m speaking just from a marketing perspective… not from a Neanderthal perspective.

9:06:48 PM – She did something called a Method Air. Is that like smoking a joint with Method Man?

9:07:12 PM – She needs better than a 33.8 to get into the top 6. And it’s a……….. 36.8!! Fourth place. She will be going to the finals!!! USA! USA! USA! We qualify like nobody’s business!

9:08:09 PM – Sweet. More commercials. It’s been 4:40 since the last one. Thank god!

9:09:41 PM – You know what. These commercials suck. With a vengeance.

9:10:08 PM – Wow… Ronald McDonald’s doing freestyle skiing. That sound you hear is me yawning.

9:11:20 PM – We’re getting ready for the men’s 500m speedskating competition. Now we’re talking.

9:15:35 PM – Joey Cheek from the USA is getting ready to go. Even if I didn’t already know that outcome, I’d be ready to for this. Cheek did the first 100 meters in 9.66. Not bad.

9:16:45 PM – Cheek’s in the lead. And he celebrates with the lamest celebration in Olympic history. Weird smiles… tongue halfway sticking out… it’s like Paul Lynde just won a gold medal. Actually, he looks like Herbie the dentist from the Rudolf Christmas special.

9:17:23 PM – And we’re getting more commercials.

9:20:14 PM – And we’re back from commercial.

9:20:26 PM – Oddly enough, the only speedskaters we’ll see this round will be the other two American competitors. Thanks, NBC, for packaging up my Olympics in bite-sized form.

9:21:17 PM – Fitzrandolph from the US stumbles at the start and finishes 17th. In slo-mo, that’s an ugly replay.

9:22:04 PM – Now, Kip Carpenter from the US is ready to go. He’s going against a Korean skater.

9:22:55 PM – Carpenter has a false start.

9:23:20 PM – Could these outfits get any tighter? Un-comfortable!! For me watching it.

9:23:44 PM – Carpenter stumbles at the start and then has to slow down on the crossover with the Korean guy. Good for 31st. Thanks for playing.

9:25:16 PM – Whoa… Joey Cheek is a fellow North Carolinian. He’s my boy!! I take back approximately 80% of what I said earlier.

9:25:35 PM – Crap… pairs figure skating is coming on next. Dammit! I’ll need to turn it to Two and a Half Men to see some truly awful TV before we come back from commercial. You know, to cleanse the pallet.

9:26:30 PM – More bad commercials. I’m supremely underwhelmed with tonight’s spectacle. I’ll catch you in the other half-hour.

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