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How watching the Grammys makes me feel old

Tonight, I sat down and watched a few minutes of the Grammys. Now, I was never one of those guys who had a thousand CDs when I was younger, but I followed popular music fairly closely. Tonight, though, I’m finding myself posing a bunch of weird questions that my noggin can’t fathom.

[Random rock group takes the stage for a performance] They’re still popular?
[Another performance] Now they’re just goofing with me. This guy can sell albums?
[Two more singers step to the podium to present an award] Who’s that guy? From what band? But the girl is hot!! And probably 17. Ewwww…
[Another award] That’s a weird way to spell it… Linkin Park. They’re funny.

Then, Dave Chappelle comes on stage, and all is right. I’ve been watching Dave for a long time (waaay before the Chappelle Show came on). Dave introduces a bunch of current artists singing Sly and the Family Stone songs, and one of the singers is John Legend. I dig him, and he just won the best R&B album award.

Legend appeared on the Chappelle Show, by the way, well over a year ago, and I was blown away by this piano-playing dynamo. He backed up rapper Talib Kwali on an accoustic version of Kwali’s “Around My Way.” I was spellbound and immediately downloaded every MP3 I could find. And now he’s winning a Grammy. I was listening to him when nobody else did. Why do I feel proud about this?

But back to the show. Holy shit, Sly himself just took the stage. This is the most disconcerting thing I’ve ever seen. He has a blonde mohawk, and he apparently stole Miles Davis’ sunglasses from 1974. I’m completely confused right now.

I guess in another decade, my internal monologue will consist of just the word “Who??” over and over. That’s assuming I wouldn’t already be watching the History Channel or Matlock reruns.

I’d better get to bed before see more stuff that I can’t process. Like the fact that the American Idol judge not named Simon is playing bass during the “tribute” to Sly and the Family Stone. Aaaand, now it’s over. May it be another two decades before they bring that back. Sweet monkey pie… that was awful.

Oh well, I’m either too old or too sane for the Grammys. Until next year… or maybe not.

PS – If John Legend wins Best New Artist tonight, I’m going to drop him in a second. Milli Vanilli won that, as you’ll recall. I’ll find another, less crowded bandwagon to ride.

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Categories: Music
  1. February 9, 2006 at 1:30 pm

    UPDATE: John Legend won the Best New Artist award. Dammit all to hell. I started looking at the list of past winners, and I saw the Beatles (1965), Carly Simon (1972) and couple of others, and I was less stressed. But then I saw: Robert Goulet (1963), Tom Jones (1966) — were they picking future Vegas acts? — Jose Feliciano (1969), THE CARPENTERS!! (1971), Bette Midler (1974), STARLAND (F-in’) VOCAL BAND (1977), A Taste of Honey (1979 and excuse me? How much blow can you do collectively to make that choice?)… I could go on.

    Hell, I will…the 80s got us, in order, Rickie Lee Jones, Christopher Cross, Sheena Easton, Men at Work, Culture Club, Cyndi Lauper, Sade, Bruce Hornsby and the Range, Jody Watley and Tracy Chapman. That is a horrid list. You might as well make it the Witness Relocation Program. With the exception of Tracy Chapman and Cyndi Lauper, did any of these even do squat after that initial year? And Tracy and Cyndi had like one commercially viable hit after their initial album, and in Cyndi’s case, it was the stinker of a song called “True Colors,” where she kept saying the word “rainbow” as “wainbow.” So, I’m not sure I can count that.

    Man, first the Fat Boys break up and now this. John, it was good while it lasted.

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