Home > TV > The "Lost" Blog: I Can't Believe I'm Watching This

The "Lost" Blog: I Can't Believe I'm Watching This

As I’ve mentioned before, I’m surrounded by fans of the TV show Lost at work. Well, tonight, in deference to everyone who likes Lost, I’m going to watch an entire episode. And for your enjoyment, I’m going to keep track of what I see. Since I have no idea about previous plotlines, character names, and other small details… this should be fun.

9:00:39 PM – An intro. They’re taking the boy! That seems patently unfair. I mean, they’re already lost. Why add kidnapping? Can’t we all just get along?

9:01:51 PM – Why are we watching a doctor’s office? Is this House? Am I on the right channel? Wait, there’s the guy from Party of Five. The digitial cable says I’m watching Lost. Everything’s fine.

9:02:32 PM – Oh, the doctor just pulled the ol’ “snatch the glasses from your face when making an important pointâ€? gag. Good stuff.

9:02:50 PM – That spine is just wiggedy wack. And I’m not a doctor. I just blog about ones I see on TV.

9:03:13 PM – What the hell is going on?

9:03:26 PM – OK. That was a flashback. Charlie from Party of Five is a doctor on Lost. Mmmkay. But why does Charlie live in a bunkhouse on a deserted island?

9:03:58 PM – Black dude has a gun. He wants his son. Old bald dude is on the floor. Dude with a gun is going to shoot the computer! Oh, wait, guy with a gun is going to find his son. Apparently he has to do it alone. Okey dokey.

9:04:57 PM – First commercial break. I might as well be watching a French art movie.

9:06:53 PM – A commercial for a product called Mucinex. It, oddly enough, fights mucous. A cartoon glob of snot is portraying what happens. Couldn’t I get a nice Levitra commercial instead?

9:07:36 PM – Old dude and Charlie are locked in a room behind a latch.

9:08:24 PM – “Did you just throw a banana at me?â€? “I couldn’t find a rock.â€? Is this dirty talk?

9:08:58 PM – Uh oh, limping guy and cute girl just had *a moment*.

9:09:23 PM – I think Charlie might be named Jack.

9:10:22 PM – Uh oh, we’re forming a posse. Black dude is Michael. He’s going to find Walt. It took us 45 seconds to get that point across. Limping dude is going, too.

9:11:00 PM – Flashback to Charlie/Jack as a doctor. Incredibly hot cancer patient’s daughter is so coming on to him. She’s fishing around to find out if Charlie/Jack has a wife. I mean, if her dad wasn’t in a coma or something, I think she’d mount him right there.

9:12:31 PM – More flashback. Charlie/Jack’s wife is hot, too. I hate this guy. And where have I seen his wife before?

9:13:31 PM – I KNEW IT WAS COMING. Charlie/Jack comes home exhausted. All the man wants to do is sleep. Of course, Mrs. Charlie/Jack decides to tell him that she took a pregnancy test, but it was negative. Yeah, sleep tight there, dude.

9:14:27 PM – Flashback over. Charlie/Jack is being a dick to cute girl on the island.

9:15:05 PM – Next commercial. My initial thoughts: this show is OK, but it’s definitely something you have to get into on an ongoing basis.

9:18:53 PM – If Limpy is so hurt, why is he tromping around this island?

9:19:17 PM – First appearance by big guy, the only person who can be on an island this long without losing weight. Kudos.

9:19:40 PM – Subtitles. Asian couple talking. Crouching Tiger, Hiding Island.

9:21:10 PM – The ultimate in shame tactics. Asian girl talks her husband out of tracking Michael. She even resorted to the, “I’m your wifeâ€? card.

9:21:37 PM – They just asked if Michael was lost. Duh!

9:22:30 PM – Another flashback. Charlie/Jack is talking about the hot girl’s dad’s cancer. Paperwork. Signatures. EXCITEMENT!

9:23:32 PM – More sexual tension. Charlie/Jack’s dad breaks the mood. Bastard.

9:24:07 PM – Charlie/Jack’s dad is advising him not to get after hot girl. Oooo, and Charlie/Jack comes back with “Guess you would know.â€? Ahhhh, damn!! That was cold!!

9:24:47 PM – Flashback over. I want hot girl back.

9:25:28 PM – Limpy’s name is Sawyer? But his real name is James?

9:26:03 PM – Gunshots. Charlie/Jack decides to head toward the gunfire. That’s just solid tactics right there.

Stay tuned for part two.

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