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Time for the next installment of watching Lost and living to blog about it.

9:29:34 PM – Promo for Dancing with the Stars. That’s some over-the-top promotion right there. You’d think it was the Super Bowl.

9:30:03 PM – Bald dude finds spent shells. They’re hoping Michael’s there. Let’s see, he’s unstable, armed and apparently firing indiscriminately. Yeah… I’m with you. Let’s see how close we can get.

9:31:14 PM – Charlie/Jack and Sawyer/James have a macho stare-down contest. Charlie/Jack wins.

9:31:37 PM – Flashback. Charlie/Jack apparently couldn’t save the old cancer patient. Now, he wants to console hot girl. Why not? But Charlie/Jack’s dad told her about the death and sent the girl packing. I’m almost engaged in the show now.

9:32:33 PM – HOT GIRL!! She meets him at his car!!

9:32:40 PM – Her name is Gabriella.

9:32:54 PM – Mourning going down with a dollop of sexual tension at the same time. Is this Six Feet Under?

9:33:22 PM – SHE KISSED HIM!!!

9:33:42 PM – And he pulls away… says he can’t. She’s mourning and just got rejected by a c-list TV star. That’s a bad night.

9:34:16 PM – Back to the island. “I’ve lost the trail!â€? Times the show has mentioned the word lost: 2.

9:34:49 PM – Oooookay, some unknown hairy guy just showed up. “You’re right, Jack. But I’d listen to Mr. Locke.â€? I guess he’s not talking about philosopher John Locke.

9:36:27 PM – That Five for Fighting song “100 Yearsâ€? is getting a little overplayed, don’t you think? A credit card commercial? I mean, they’re giving Smash Mouth a run for the money for biggest sellout in recent memory. And why does the lead singer sound like Dave Matthews on helium?

9:39:18 PM – Cripes, is this a five minute commercial break?

9:39:53 PM – The mysterious guy is the one that shot Sawyer/James on the raft. But Sawyer/James couldn’t shoot him now. Is that a force field? I realize I’m asking a lot of questions. But, I’m pretty dang confused.

9:40:37 PM – Is the hairy guy Dan Haggerty? ‘cuz he needs the work.

9:41:02 PM – Big guy and scrawny blonde dude are listening to LPs. On a deserted island. There’s a lava lamp in the background. I think this island is a portal into a 1978 dorm room.

9:42:15 PM – Scary Middle Eastern guy showed up. Man, he’s… scary.

9:42:35 PM – It’s not Dan Haggerty. But, in better light, he looks like the Travelocity gnome at full size. Where did they find this dude?

9:43:30 PM – Hairy guy warns Charlie/Jack that this is “not your island. The only reason you’re living on it is because we’re letting you.â€? Is this Club Med for shaggy folks?

9:44:17 PM – Hairy guy has a bunch of friends. They have torches. The band of lost boys are surrounded. Giant gnome is drawing the proverbial line in the sand. He wants the lost boys to give him the weapons and go home.

9:45:12 PM – Cute girl got captured. Huge gnome has Charlie/Jack in a pickle. He’s doing the old “count to three.â€? Charlie/Jack caves.

9:47:09 PM – Hairy guy releases cute girl. He then just sorta disappears. Spooky music plays. Fade to commercial.

9:47:50 PM – I just saw something that’s holding my interest less than Lost. A promo for Jimmy Kimmel Live.

9:51:25 PM – Promo for a sitcom starring Jane Curtin, Fred Savage, William Devane… How can this miss? Well, William Devane might be the Achilles heel. Quick, name three quality things he’s ever done. Tick tick tick. BUZZER!

9:52:48 PM – Back from commercial. Asian guy tells his wife he doesn’t like to get orders from her. She pushes it back to him. Says she didn’t like taking orders from her. He backs down again. Even Gilligan was a bigger man while a castaway.

9:54:25 PM – Cute girl tries to apologize to Charlie/Jack. Didn’t take. He’s all brooding and pissy.

9:54:46 PM – Flashback. Charlie/Jack comes home to hot wife. No sexual tension here.

9:55:33 PM – The wife knows about the daughter. Asks him how she took the news. Whoa, he admitted that she kissed him. Charlie/Jack is ‘fessing up!! HOLY CRAP!! Bold move. Let’s see how it plays out.

9:56:11 PM – Apologizing, apologizing. He tries the “I hate what’s happening to us. I’m going to work less. I’m going to be here for you. I’m going to fix this” tactic. Is she buying it?

9:56:45 PM – Nope, she’s squirming out of the hug.

9:56:54 PM – She’s trying to say something. I think she’s been humping around.

9:57:44 PM – I WAS RIGHT!!

9:57:54 PM – OK, she’s walking out on him. Charlie/Jack breaks down. Good times… good times…

9:58:35 PM – Flashback over. Back on the island, cute girl has it bad for Charlie/Jack. I’m guessing that will be a plot point from here on out.

9:59:22 PM – Charlie/Jack is talking to unknown exotic girl. He wants to know if she had killed one of “them.â€? She nods. She’s a cop, apparently.

10:00:22 PM – Jack asks her how long it would take to form an army. Hmmm… perhaps this show is going to be Gilligan’s Island meets Braveheart.

OK, that wasn’t so bad. On a scale of 1-10, I’d give it a solid four. It’s definitely very soap opera-ish. Some Interesting plotlines… acting that’s just a tad better than 90210, but not quite Melrose Place… Charlie/Jack isn’t a leading man…

Lord knows, if I see giant gnome man in my dreams, I might not show up to work tomorrow.

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Categories: TV
  1. January 19, 2006 at 5:27 am

    “Cute girl got captured. Huge gnome has Charlie/Jack in a pickle.”

    I imagine this is also what the incredible Hulk thinks while watching. 🙂

  2. exnygal
    January 19, 2006 at 2:23 pm

    Charlie/Jack’s breakdown after his wife shares the news is definitely worse than C-level acting. I bet he wishes he didn’t turn down the hot girl at the car.

    BTW, the wife is Carol Vessey, Ed’s love interest. Now Ed is on Love Monkey with Jason Priestley from 90210. It’s all coming together. Sweet Monkey Pie!!

  3. backdorr
    January 20, 2006 at 1:19 am

    exnygal is right on and Carol Vessey has got it going on. she was actually an “answer” in Jeopardy last night with the “question” of “Who is Michael Crichton?” One more Carol Vessey note is that she is currently acting in Boston Legal with William Shatner (who by the way absolutely makes that show… Denny Crane). Though I was initially excited to see her on Bean Town, her character isn’t nearly as likable as Carol Vessey.

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