Progressive “Flo” Ads – A super-perky insurance sales, named Flo, lady peddles her wares in an ethereal retail outlet.

• The gimmick: Flo, played by Stephanie Courtney, started out in 2008 at the helm of Progressive’s campaigns.  The conceit is that Flo is there to expound on the great attributes of Progressive in a retail environment, even though Progressive is an online/direct-to-consumer insurance firm. Puts a face on a rather virtual organization where you won’t have a local agent, typically.
• The highpoint: I’m hard-pressed to come up with one specific ad that just blows me away.  I do know that Progressive’s headquarters is a virtual shrine to Flo. So, that’s a pretty solid outcome for an ad campaign right there.
• The lowpoint: Similar to the above, I’m stumped to recall an ad that completely flopped.  I thought this campaign was out of juice a couple of years ago, but they revitalized it with new characters and new situations. Again, nothing too great or too awful. Just solid commercials.
• Effectiveness: 7 out of 10. While I don’t think they’ve hit home runs, they hit a lot of singles and doubles. For effectiveness, I can definitely say that I know that Progressive allows you to compare your prices to other firms’ prices and that they have motorcycle and other firms of vehicle insurance. Whether that’s from solid messaging or sheer repetition, I have no clue.

State Farm campaign 1 – “Magic jingle” ad – If something comes up that requires an insurance agent, just sing the “Like a good neighbor/State Farm is there” jingle. Your agent will appear and grant you wishes.

• The gimmick – Probably the one that seems like a good campaign at first, but after repeated viewing, my brain keeps turning this one over. Do I really look for my insurance agent to be a genie in a bottle? Am I comfortable thinking of my insurance agent as a magical genie?  However, since this appears to be aimed at the 18-35 demographic (and I’m, sadly, over that line), maybe I’m not the right audience.
• The highpoint – I think the strongest of these ads is probably the one where the guy backs into another car, and his girlfriend is just giving him holy hell.  He summons his agent, then she turns him into a hunk, then he turns her into a hottie.  What this has to do with insurance coverage… no clue.
• The lowpoint – What’s really driving me crazy about any of these ads is the placement of a rather mundane job – an insurance claim agent – into average situations, but giving these agents supernatural powers. And some of the stuff these jackasses are asking for?  Weird.  One State Farm client in their douche-bag 20s requests Bob Barker (who appears to be mostly animatronic at this stage) who shows up and give him a brand new car. Also, in the example in the above highpoint, there is a lowpoint underneath. Why does the woman get all pissed off at the guy for turning her into a hottie, when she did the EXACT same thing? Now, I’m thinking of this philosophical conundrum, and I could give a rat’s ass what State Farm is trying to say.
• Effectiveness: 5 out of 10. Even though they’re memorable, I think this is one of those campaigns where State Farm is trying too hard to reach the young demographics.

State Farm campaign 2 – “Ask your neighbor” ad – A 30-something guy talks rather plainly about the benefits of State Farm, particularly against the Progressive’s and Geico’s of the world.

• The gimmick – Not much of a gimmick here.  This is essentially the Dennis Haysbert Allstate ads all over again, save for the fact that we don’t know who the young-ish spokesman is.
• The highpoint – Not really coming up with one here, either. The ads are pretty straightforward.
• The lowpoint – Well, one could say that having no highpoint is a lowpoint in and of itself. For some reason, I’m annoyed by the one where Handsome Guy is standing next to a State Farm agent who continually interrupts him. She’s very perky, but why not let her do the damn ad?
• Effectiveness: 4 out of 10. I don’t really pay much attention to these. I guess what we’re learning here is that insurance ads need a little gimmick, but not too much. And since they’re running two separate, distinct campaigns, State Farm has inadvertently caused me to believe that it’s actually two companies. In fact, I had to fire up Google to confirm that they were the same company, just because I thought I might be confusing one campaign with Farm Bureau.

So, that’s it. I’m sure there are other insurance ads to take to task, but this is all I could think of for now.  We’ll have to see what shenanigans the insurance companies have in store for us tomorrow.

In the 1980s, for some reason, Coco Cola and Pepsi decided to spend about a kajillion dollars to try to sway about a dozen consumers in one direction or another.  Seriously, has anyone ever changed allegiances on a soft drink based on the fact that Cindy Crawford or Michael Jackson did an ad for one brand or another?

Regardless, the ads were usually engaging enough to hold our interest, and it was definitely a memorable set of commercials.I use this as a preface to my rant today about the new advertising war – and this time it’s for your insurance dollar.  Granted, the newer guys like Geico, Progressive and AFLAC and the traditional firms like State Farm and Allstate have never been shy about advertising.  It just seems that they’ve kicked it up a notch in the last year.

For example, in a 30-minute sitcom yesterday, I counted eight (EIGHT!) 30-second ads for insurance in that time. At one point, there were two State Farm ads followed by a Progressive ads. They’ve usurped consumer goods and cars as the biggest advertisers I see on a daily basis. Naturally, that has my brain starting to compare and contrast each ad. Because familiarity breeds contempt, if not purchases.

Here’s my breakdown of the campaigns that I see most frequently.

Allstate “Mayhem” ads – They’ve gone from having Dennis Haysbert (or, as I will always call him, Pedro Cerrano) lecture us about our car insurance to the Mayhem ads.

• The gimmick: Dean Winters acts out crazy things that could happen to your car, and how you wouldn’t be covered with cut-rate car insurance (read: Geico).  Bonus points for making it a guy best known from Oz and 30 Rock (Liz Lemon’s beeper salesman ex-boyfriend).
• The highpoint: The Mayhem guy as a GPS unit, screaming “Recalculating” and sending a driver down the wrong path, leading to a crash.  Winters is great in this one.
• The lowpoint: The Mayhem guy is a flag that flies off a car and falls on the car behind him, leading to a crash.  The ad isn’t that bad, but the unfathomable “Do Not Attempt” disclaimer at the bottom is ridiculous. Oh, so I’m not supposed to hold on to a flag pole attached to a car and then let go and slam into a car behind me? Gotcha.
• Effectiveness: 7 out of 10.  Allstate is getting the point across much better than when Haysbert just preached at us.  Plus, the ads have a similar drumbeat, regardless of the crazy situation.  Pretty solid.

Farmers Insurance “Farmers University” ads – JK Simmons (Schillinger from Oz or Juno’s dad… take your pick) takes Farmers Insurance agents around some simulated insurance disasters and talks about how Farmers makes things easier… or something.

• The gimmick: A well-known “That guy” character actor shows how some things can be covered with Farmers vs. the others.  But, there’s no breakout character or theme here.
• The highpoint: If you’re me, you scream out “Juno’s dad!” followed by “Yikes, Schillinger is selling insurance?”  It took until the second or third viewing before I actually figured out what he was selling.
• The lowpoint: Pretty much everything else.  By comparison, this one isn’t all that impressive. I can’t tell you much about why I would choose Farmers.  They have a very weak gimmick, and by signing a semi-famous face, I’m not sure what they were going for with the ad. Either get a star or find a damn gimmick.
• Effectiveness: 3 out of 10.  I like Simmons, but the concept and writing are pretty awful.

Geico ads (numerous) – While some companies will have a single spokesperson or theme throughout a campaign.  Geico said to hell with that. First there was the Caveman, then the Gecko, the guy asking rhetorical questions, the cash with googly eyes, “I’ve got good news,” R. Lee Ermey as a therapist yelling at patient, etc.  Man, what’s their f*cking ad budget??

• The gimmick: 15 minutes can save you 15 percent. Or so easy a caveman can do it. Or, so painfully obvious that you have no reason not to do it.
• The highpoint: This wasn’t my cup of tea, but the Caveman ads really crossed the chasm into mainstream America.  I mean, it became a sitcom.  A horrible, short-lived sitcom, but that’s something that not even Mr. Whipple could do. Thankfully.
• The lowpoint: I’m hard-pressed to find a real clunker, but there have been numerous “meh” moments. I think the Gecko has run its course, and the last few have just been very monotonous. Oh, so he somehow carries a cell phone and a wallet?  That’s crazy!!!, he says sarcastically.
• Effectiveness: 9 out of 10.  Just as a B-52 carpet-bombing North Vietnam was effective, the Geico shock-and-awe strategy is just impressive.  And, they have saturated the market with many funny, memorable ads.

OK, I’ll have more to come… we’re at 800 words already, and I have a few more in the chamber.  Hang tight…

Earlier this year when family members asked what i wanted for Xmas, I had only one thought. An iPad. They seemed so useful and fun, and vie had a good time with my iPod touch over the pest couple of years. Good call. The iPad is a bunch of fun.

The key thing to get you really hooked on the iPad is it’s ability to serve as a nice game interface. The best, most addicting game is Angry Birds. I’m also digging Scrabble and Risk. Any thoughts on additional games to try let me know.

When I was doing research on thew iPad, I read a lot of negative ore views about it inadequacy as a reading platform. Indeed sales of Kindles and Nooks continue to surge, but I’ve been impressed with the iPad’s Kindle app. I’ve been reading a ton over the last week, and the iPad is great for this, particularly where maps or photos are involved.

Plus, the iPad lets me multi-task. I can watch TV and read the web more effectively.  Sometimes, I watch TV, listen to music and play a game all at the same time. Why?  Because I like to party.

I could write more, but to be honest, the iPad does not work that well wirh WordPress. I’m having to do HTML tagging manually, and this gimmick is wearing off. Well, the awesomeness of an iPad is inversely proportional to the usefulness of this post. The time is now 12:40.

After about a month of eating on his Halloween candy, we’re down to the dregs.  Gone are the good candies – “fun size” candy bars, individually packed Reese’s cups and packs of Skittles.  We’re down to the stuff that he will only eat if there’s absolutely nothing in the house.

To be sure, some of this candy defies any logic.  So, I thought I’d break down those candy dregs and try to guess what went through the minds of the givers.  And since my son went trick-or-treating at a friend’s neighborhood, I can make as many gross generalizations and snarky comments about these people with little fear of blowback.  Let the judgement begin!!

• Fruit Stripe gum, 5-piece pack – “I love gum that tastes fantastic for approximately 45 seconds, then it turns into a lifeless gummy mound of crap.”
• Tootsie Rolls – “This is a classic, and if I dump a handful into every bag, I’ll feel like a hero even though it only costs about $.24/pound.”
• Spiderman Candy Sticks, 2-piece pack – “I miss the subtle, nuanced flavors of candy cigarrettes, so I found these packs of chalky, basically inedible candy. But they have Spiderman on them. Yeah… I’m cool.”
• Double Bubble gum – See Fruit Stripe gum
• Sweetheart Valentine Candy – “Whoa, look what I found.  Leftovers from a holiday 8 months ago! Score!!”
• Dum Dum suckers (about six different flavors) – “If it’s good enough for Columbo, it’s good enough for these little shits in the neighborhood. And they still come in the ass-tastic root beer flavor.  Huzzah!”
• Some generic mint-covered chocolate candy – “I saw this in my mom’s retirement home, and boy, it should be a big hit with the kids.”

Well, only 11 months to another influx of bad candy.  I can’t wait to see what we have in store for next Halloween. Or I could just go to Big Lots and buy a pallet of this candy for $1.98 right now.

This has been on my mind because the movie Dinner for Schmucks is opening this weekend.  Now, normally I can’t be the pretentious douche who says, “I saw the British/French/Swedish/etc. version and it was so much better.”  But, in this case, I have seen the French film, The Dinner Game, that the US film is based on.  It came on HBO about a decade ago, and, happy to be free of the typical schlock that HBO throws at me, the Wife and I watched it.  And really enjoyed it.

When I saw the trailer for Schmucks, even before the title hit, I knew that some big Hollywood studio had remade the 12-year-old French film.  It seemed somewhat promising.  Steve Carell seems to be a decent American counterpart for Jacques Villeret, although Villeret’s inherent wide-eyed innocence and eagerness to please is hard to match. Paul Rudd has a much more decent shot at matching the cool and self-absorbed co-lead played by Thierry Lhermitte.

So, about halfway through the trailer, I’m somewhat OK with the remake. Carell’s loser makes dioramas, whereas the French loser made models with matchsticks.  Several other actors in the US version, including Jermain Clement and Zack Galifinakis, seem rather inspired. I’m thinking that we haven’t seen a total bastardization of the movie.

Then, the title hits: Dinner for Schmucks. It was “Dinner Game” in France, but “Dinner for Schmucks” in the US. Because we stupid Americans can’t be bothered to have a bit of subtext in the title of a film.  ”Hey, what’s this movie about?” “Well, they invite these schmucks to dinner.” “Well, let’s call it Dinner for Schmucks!“

This one decision left me a bit wary, and the reviews (52% positive according to Rotten Tomatoes) are backing up my skepticism.  It seems the title wasn’t the only thing the producers missed on.  In the French version, the actual party is only the premise for getting the two main characters together.  In the American version, it seems to be all about the contest to get the biggest “schmuck” to the party. The party appears to be the big key event, while the original focused on one idiot getting another idiot into an ever-growing series of mishaps.

I guess Izzard is right.  The Dinner Game wasn’t a popcorn movie.  It was only 80 minutes, it was subtitled and it was (shudder) French.  Just transferring that to an American audience would not be a crime.  But, as the review from Killer Movie Reviews put it, “Americanizing a French flick is not in and of itself a death knell for a project. Flattening, sanitizing, and generally smoothing out the edginess in favor of product that is safe, dull, and lifeless is.”

In fact, one of my favorite junior  high memories involves a local restaurateur, who owned the local (and only) Greek restaurant, as he volunteered to teach soccer during PE class. After going over the basics (“Don’t use your hands,” “Kick with your instep,” and “Cheeburger, cheeburger, cheeburger!”), he turned us loose.  After about 20 minutes of country boys kicking straight on like Lou “The Toe” Groza, I’m pretty sure Mr. Whatshisnameakas was ready to flee the field. Possibly the country.

But, over time, I’ve grown to like, then somewhat love, the sport.  Again, a qualifier… I love top-tier soccer.  If it’s first-division European football or national teams going at it, fantastic.  If it’s MLS or lower, meh.

And the reason isn’t exactly the competition. It’s more of the intensity of the players on the pitch… of the fans in the stands… and of the  announcers, who oscillate between stately Brits to over excited Latinos (man, I’m just reinforcing stereotypes this evening… my bad).

With World Cup 2010 getting ready to start in South Africa, I thought I’d help other Americans who are on the verge of becoming a soccer fan… but are still a few friendlies short of top-tier status.  So, I present my prep quiz for World Cup 2010.  If you know this stuff, you will be able to fake your way through conversations with the soccer addicts in your life.

1. Practically all Americans have heard of Pelé.  What is his real name?

a) Pelé Jerome Williams
b) Pelemos pé de Deus
c) Edison Arantes do Nascimento
d) Jonathan Leibowitz

2. Both Portuguese and Brazilian teams are renowned for players who go by only one name. Which of these is NOT on the Portuguese roster this year?

a) Pepe
b) Beto
c) Deco
d) Pico

3. The Italian team is the defending champion. The squad is better known by what nickname?

a) The Azzurri
b) Tony Toni Tone
c) The Sopranos
d) The Italian Jobs

4. Joe Gaetjens is well-known for scoring the USA’s lone goal in a 1-0 mega-upset of England in 1950.  Where was Gaetjens born?

a) Haiti
b) France
c) Queens
d) Trick question.  The US could never beat England, dumbass.

5. Former Argentine striker Diego Maradona is now coach of this year’s squad.  Which of the following is NOT true about the pint-sized player?

a) Was suspended in 1991 for 15 months for testing positive for cocaine
b) Kilt him a bear when he was only 3
c) Scored the “Hand of God” goal against England
d) Has a picture of Fidel Castro tattooed on his left leg.

6. Who is Wayne Rooney?

a) Coach of the English team
b) Love child of deceased Pittsburgh Steelers owner Art Rooney.
c) English striker and all-around bad-ass
d) The principal in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

7. Did you know that both South Korea and North Korea are both in this tournament?

a) Seriously?
b) That’s crazy as shit
c) Wouldn’t it be cool if Kim Jon Il forced the coach to let him play in goal?
d) All of the above.

8.  Spain’s squad is known as La Furia Roja.  What does that mean in English?

a) The Red Fury
b) Red Dawn
c) Redd Foxx
d) Boom goes the dynamite

9. Why are you still taking this quiz?

a) I dunno. Bored?
b) There’s nothing on TV
c) I keep waiting for jokes. I get jokes
d) I’m a soccer die-hard.  Keep it coming.

10. What is Kaka?

a) “Poop” in Portuguese
b) A Brazilian mid-fielder
c) A cross-dressing Lady Gaga impersonator
d) About what this quiz is worth

Answers:

1. c
2. d, believe it or not
3. a.
4. a.
5. b.  He’s one crazy sum’bitch
6. c. And make sure you find some cool Youtube clips of this cat
7. d.
8. a.
9. Anything but d is cause for concern.
10. b.

Whereas Band of Brothers did a fantastic job covering fairly familiar ground (Normandy invasion, Battle of the Bulge, liberating a concentration camp), The Pacific covers small battles in faraway places that have been only told sparingly – and even the movies on Iwo Jima and Midway are often aging, b-level fare from the 50s and 60s. And, importantly, The Pacific only covers four campaigns – Guadalcanal, Cape Gloucester, Peleliu and Okinawa.  The Pacific war was sprawling and complex, and a 5o-part series would still leave out huge chunks of the story.

As a military history junkie, here are a few books that I’ve read about the subject – and if you enjoy The Pacific, give ‘em a try.

• Helmet for My Pillow by Robert Leckie and With the Old Breed by Eugene Sledge. Naturally, the foundation for the miniseries would be a good place to start.  I read these about five or six years ago thanks to some savvy Amazon recommendations, and I’ve re-read them in recent months.  They are exclusively a private’s perspective on the war, which is somewhat rare, as most historical accounts start from the commander’s point of view. They are also two very different books.  Leckie’s account is more literary and cerebral; Sledge relies on a more sparing and matter-of-fact style.  But they are both invaluable first-hand accounts on how war brings out the absolute best and the absolute worst in people.
• One Square Mile of Hell: The Battle for Tarawa by John F. Wukovits.  This is one that I picked up in an airport, and it just was an engrossing read. If you were shaken by the carnage of the Peleliu scenes from The Pacific, the Tarawa battle is more of the same.  This account explores different angles of the battle, from the commanders on the ground (on both sides) to the plight of the individual soldiers in the field.  It also delves into the lives (and deaths) of combat photographers and journalists.  Highly recommended.
• The Last Stand of the Tin Can Sailors by James Hornsfischer. Before I picked up this book, I knew precious little about the naval battle off Samar.  It sounds like an unbelievable Hollywood script. A group of lightly armed US destroyers and escort carriers – mostly providing ground support and submarine screens for a Marine landing force – run up against (and ultimately repel) a squadron of huge Japanese battleships and cruisers.  In fact, one Japanese battleship itself outweighed the entire US fleet that it opposed.  Sometimes, the US boats were saved because the heavy Japanese shells went completely through the thin armor, leaving only holes – but not exploding.  It’s a bizarre, desperate battle, and the book reads like a gripping fiction novel. Yet, it was entirely true.  It’s absolutely amazing.
• Shattered Sword: The Untold Story of the Battle of Midway.  If you really, really, REALLY want to geek out on some WWII history, this is the book for you.  Shattered Sword is a heavy-duty account of the pivotal Battle of Midway, with an almost “turn by turn” retelling of every move of every ship involved.  Brilliantly researched and chock full of details, this book will allow you to crush anyone who spouts commonly accepted Battle of Midway trivia they’ve picked up from history textbooks and movies.  The bad news is that you will be that guy who knows waaaaaay too much about that topic. If you enjoy it, definitely don’t admit to it in a blog or anything.  Oops.
• Weller’s War: A Legendary Foreign Correspondent’s Saga of World War II on Five Continents by George Weller.  A great book on wartime journalism. George Weller spent the vast majority of World War II covering the conflict from places like Greece, Iraq and New Zealand. His accounts of the out-of-the-way Pacific locales (often news stories filed “on the scene”) are stunning.  It wasn’t just the US who was routed in the Pacific; Dutch and British soldiers were fighting it out in faraway places like Singapore and Burma.  Mainstream US writers haven’t covered these locations too extensively, and to get a compilation of these superbly written dispatches makes this a worthwhile read. I’d recommend it to anyone who has dual interests in journalism and history.

Happy reading!

In the interest of full disclosure, my son, 8, is a huge fan of Mr. Bieber. He likes that one song of his, and that other one. And then there’s that third one. I should probably add more detail here, but frankly, I can’t.

I, on the other hand, am not a big fan. I think it’s because I’m more than 12 and not a girl. To me, Bieber sounds a lot like a less-talented Taylor Hanson. And trust me, that’s not a compliment.

But, when forced to endure music and/or videos by these tween-focused marketing machines, I find myself picking out other things to focus on. The primary one, “What’s the deal with the back-up musicians?” with the follow-up “How can they act like they’re backing up Lenny Kravitz when they’re being fronted by a pre-teen?”

Case in point… a couple of years ago, we were watching Disney Channel when they showed part of a Hannah Montana concert. Was I focused on Billy Ray Cyrus’ progeny? Legally and ethically, that’s a big no. What I did focus on was her band, particularly her black female drummer who was rockin’ the f*** out to whatever song Hannah was warbling.

There’s so much about this scene that doesn’t compute. How did this drummer end up backing Hannah Montana? More importantly, once you get the gig, how do you get yourself in the state of euphoria playing a song that you probably find reprehensible? I mean, one day you’re a studio musician scraping by, and the next you’re on tour with a teen idol, living the good life. But, really… isn’t your soul just crying out in confusion?

[Sidenote: If you're a black female drummer, how did you not hit the big time on your own? Name another black female drummer. I'll wait.  Can't, can you?]

Back to Justin Bieber. Last night on SNL, not only did Bieber have a band-full of seemingly happy adults backing him, it looked like a whiter Earth, Wind and Fire concert. For the pop delights that Bieber throws down, here’s what he needed to pull it off:

• Four back-up vocalists. FOUR!
• Four dancers. OK, he’s not Usher, but I guess that’s allowable.
• Two guitarists.  Really?  Rhythm and lead guitar for “Baby, Baby, Baby?”
• A drummer.  Because the drum machine wasn’t enough.
• A DJ, a keyboardist and some other guy in the corner.  Really, it was like some of Diddy’s entourage just needed a temp job.

I should have more of a point, but I don’t.  And I just realized that I’m missing HBO’s The Pacific.  Should be a good episode tonight.  I’m pretty sure Justin Bieber isn’t involved.

A kindly old man once gave his granddaughter a beautiful, white bunny as an Easter present. The girl, immediately smitten, was thrilled with the gift, and she spent that entire Easter Sunday playing with her new pet. She smoothed its fur and delicately touched its twitching nose to her own, giggling with delight.

For hours, she stroked and petted the tiny rabbit, and her Grandfather beamed in delight. She sat outside on her swing, holding the bunny and singing it songs, having the most wonderful day of her young life.

Suddenly, an arrogant, heartless man walked up and saw what the little girl was doing. Envious and cold-hearted, the man immediately realized that this level of happiness should not stand.

So, he walked over, slapped the bunny out of her arms and raised his arms in triumph as he left the yard. The girl, sobbing, did her best to recover her pet, who was now scampering away – frightened and alone.

What does this parable teach us? Actually, there’s no real moral, but this is the story of the NCAA Championship tonight. Butler is the feel-good story that everyone has gotten behind – the mid-major school playing in their own backyard and helmed by a 33-year-old “accidental” coach.

Dook, through no fault of their own, is the heartless old man, ready to take that awesome narrative away from us. If Dook wins, it’s a blow to Cinderella stories everywhere, and a slap at the beautiful, innocent ideal that Butler represents.

Go Bulldogs. Don’t let the bastards steal our good time. Win one for all the little schools out there who haven’t had a chance to reach this level. Don’t let them slap the metaphorical bunnies out of our figurative clutches.